Thursday, February 5, 2009

Pizza's Always Proper

Hey guys, Cool Steve again. In comparison to the first week of tour, these last few days have been somewhat low key. I'm going to try to make them seem interesting but you need to go into this blog with the realization that I'm Stephen Boyd, not Mark Titus.

Upon arriving in Tallahassee, FL we saw an exponential increase in the amount of homeless people. We saw the same increase in the amount of bike lanes on the roads. Now I'm no Charles Babbage but I think the data pools can speak for themselves.

My favorite part about the venue in Tallahassee (The Shed) was the bathroom. There are at least three reasons why using this bathroom had you terrified.

1. No light
2. The door didn't latch and definitely didn't lock
3. The toilet didn't flush

Of course we spent most of our time trying to get Kyle to poop in there, and eventually succeeded. Kyle said it went fine but his eyes told a different story and he really hasn’t been the same since.

After the show the guy putting on the show bought us pizza, and I don’t even need to tell you how much I love a good ‘za. Should I remind you that I play the drums in a band called Super Dude Pizza Squad? Well I just did, and I do. It used to be called Super Teen Pizza Squad but I turned 20 and I don’t like lying. Anyways, I’ve been eating pizza on this tour with no regard for the roof of my mouth and so it’s basically just been a big blister for the last three days. Don’t tell me you blow on your pizza before eating it though because you’re not impressing anyone and you’re making yourself look like a pansy. Trust me, it looks way manlier to take a scalding hot bite and then do the open mouth chew/blow-out while lowering your head hoping no one sees. It’s even better when a pepperoni falls out during the head-lower.

We stayed the night at this girl Julia’s house, and she and Kyle set up an environment that even Michael Phelps would have been comfortable in. I played Rock Band with her for 5 songs and I’m not one to brag but I absolutely wiped the floor with her. Someone walked by her house and looked in the window and just started laughing and that’s when I knew I was better than her at close to everything.

Here’s a side note that might be embarrassing to some but it needs to be said. Alex played it safe with a vague post expressing disappointment but as I said earlier I’m not one to lie and the truth needs to be told. Julia wanted to have sex with Frank. Frank didn’t do it.

The next day was exciting for everyone because it was free Grand Slam Tuesday at Denny’s. We thought there was a Denny’s in Tallahassee but I must have gotten a contact high (physically impossible) the night before because when we woke up in the morning a Denny’s didn’t exist within 50 miles of our location. We dipped out and headed towards Tampa and hit up a Denny’s about an hour into the trip. On the way into Denny’s I told Frank to lock all the doors and he didn’t. Frank was 0-2. Everyone else however was 1-0 because we all scored some most excellent breakfast for the cost of a book at Barnes & Noble if you’re good at stealing. Frank was still 0-2 though because I don’t want him to win at anything.

We got to Tampa mad early and so Zack and I got our workout on while the rest of the guys went to a coffee shop. After our killer sesh we all met up at the coffee shop and four of us went across the street to get some pizza. I had a few slices of pepperoni because that’s how I roll and veggies are for people who don’t like good food. You already know I was cramming that hot triangle into my mouth as soon as I set it on the table. The pizza apparently didn’t like our stomachs though because as we were packing up our stuff to leave Zack paused to let out a quick fart and his face soon looked like McCauley Culkin. He ran to the bathroom and ten minutes later emerged underwear-free due to the fact that he totally pooped in his pants.

The coffee shop we played at had this awesome Pagan meeting before the show but I thought it said Peggle meeting so I went in there with my laptop and started asking people what their high scores were. They thought I was making fun of them so I have something like 5 spells cast on me right now and I’m kind of freaking out. The show itself was weird and Zack played acoustic, but we met some really awesome dudes who played boxball with us for about an hour afterwards. I spent a large chunk of time in square #1 again which prompted a lot of speculation as to whether I was cheating or not. Zack thought it would be funny to write “Stephen cheats” on the blacktop with chalk but ended up writing “Stephen cheets” instead. It’s pretty obvious to me that this guy couldn’t write a legitimate sentence without consulting a dictionary so you tell me who the real cheater is here.

Boxball ended and we had no place to stay so we headed to Gainesville and stayed with some most excellent dudes who made us some soup. I appreciated the soup but I thought they were kidding when they showed me the pot. It contained some of the biggest chunks of tomatoes and onions I’ve seen all tour. I kept waiting for someone to laugh and expose the prank but it never happened and I was left standing in the corner picking out unnecessary tomatoes and onions from a soup that at one time probably had a lot of potential.

The next morning Zack and I headed to the Y to get our work out on. We stopped at a Taco Bell on the way and I (of course) was wearing my killer shades. The guy at the window kept making comments to other people inside the TB like, "OK, I see dat dude wearing dos shades, I see you" so Zack said "OK, I see you working full time at Taco Bell, I see you." Ultimate burn. On the way back to the house a Hoobastank song came on the radio and I was getting my nostalgia on so hard that I Staind my shirt and my Incubus fell off. After lurking at the crib for a bit we headed to a pizza place and I got my standard two slices of pep with a drink. The slices were legit and I didn’t regret spending my money which usually happens when I go to a place like Applebee’s or IHOP. The show took place at a bike co-op amidst freezing temperatures. We all had a lot of fun though and in between songs I did this awesome drum solo where I took off my shirt. People were screaming a lot so I was feeling really good about that. If I can change just one life with an awesome drum solo then I know it’s all worth it.

Frank got really drunk last night so he was screaming nonsense at 2 in the morning and I’ve never been more embarrassed by him in my life, which if you read the beginning of this blog you’ll know holds weight. We woke up fairly early and headed to Orlando where we are now. We’ve already spotted Penny Hardaway’s fountain house and Zack and I saw close to 10 naked old men in a locker room. What did YOU do today?

Cool Steve


  1. I like it better when Alex posts, I'm more a picture type of guy. But I'm also more of a comedy type of guy, so I like it better when Cool Steve posts.

  2. i laughed several times. lol i hope RRL is having a blast!