Saturday, July 23, 2011

We're all Snoozin'

People ask us what tour is like. . . and we don't hear them because we're asleep.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

It'll Kill You

Okay, so you are probably bummed that there have been no updates. The problem? We've been driving through the night, getting what sleep we can. No food, no money. Kurt ate his iPhone because he was so delirious from hunger, he saw the apple on the back and. . .well, you get the idea. But I've been able to capture some moments with my iPod touch (that I bought with my own money). Get into it!

Don't mind if I do!

Ooooooh! Beach boys! I don't know about you, but I'm getting good vibrations!

Charlie the most idiotic Pelican. He can't eat something even if you throw it right in his huge stupid mouth.
FREE STEVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Zoidberg

The Real World in San Diego! That's right. Mtv's the REAL WORLD. Hi, I'm TV's Rodeo Ruby Love. Plan on it!

Living the life at Club Nokia in L.A.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

A Quick Recap

It wasn't quite how I remembered it.
On the menu for tonight: Success!
If this is where he sleeps, I don't want to imagine where he likes to poopoo peepee!
Steve let one rip in the van. Pee Yew!
The reason Ben forgets his stuff everywhere is because he is busy trading stocks online. Looking smooth, Ben!
We tried to let Breezey drive. Women! Am I right, fellas?!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Monday, July 11, 2011

We All Make Boners

Hello from Tucson!
Can you believe it, the weather is actually not that bad! Last year, we all had to get medical treatment for 3rd degree burns. Not to mention watching one of the worst movies I've ever seen. But today, our skin is safe inside of Emily's home. It's a great house that overlooks the city.
Updating Tour Blog, Dog, is a tough thing right now. We've had very little time to do much of anything. So few adventures and mishaps! We are touring with Slipknot and it's been a lot of fun! There are a lot of names to remember between Streetlight Manifesto and Reel Big Fish. So we just call everybody Jose and Doug. It makes it easier.

After our Dallas show, we stayed the night with Ben's bud Brianna, who incidentally threw her plus-size thong on stage. We were given the Skyline chili dip treatment and got about 3 hours of sleep. We woke up a 5am and Kyle drove us all the way to Albuquerque. And my dear lord was it ever hot. It made Tucson last year look more like a pizza oven than a blistering inferno. But I'll tell you what. Albuquerque was a blast. We met a lot of cool dudes and girl dudes, including Ryan, who spent his entire allowance on a bunch of junk. Kyle and I also got a delicious hot dog with some nice folks who couldn't make it to the SOLD OUT SHOW! It made me miss home just a little.

That night our buddy Paul who tour manages for Streetight Manabreasto hooked us up with a sick ass hotel room where we all snuggled like we didn't all hate one another or smelled like bed of pig dookie. Except Ben. He slept on the floor. It's punishment for bringing such a big suitcase. God, that thing is huge.

Last night in Tempe was by far the hottest show yet. People were so wet with sweat it felt like we were at a pool party, except the pool was in Jeff Saturday's jock strap after losing to the Jets in the 2nd round of the playoffs. And instead of playoffs, it was a moshpit. Whatever. I lost track of that analogy. It was gross. But we destroyed the stage, sent 5 kids to the hospital, and made Reel Big Fish so ashamed of their inferior music that they just played 20 minutes of instrumental Pat Benetar singles.

We're crossing our fingers tonight. Last year Tucson gave us one of our best shows. Let's hope it can deliver again. Of course, it will be good no matter what since we're reuniting with the babes from the Love Nest who took care of us when we needed it most. Dillon repaid the favor with a buritto. We're all square now. Thanks, girls! Bon apetit!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Cell Phones are a Pain in the Ass for Society

Dudes, we've been too busy to update this dog blog. But I promise some pictures and witty quips will soon follow. Here's some news: Texas is hot as hell. Tour is going well. The people of Texas have been so good to us.
More importantly, our hearts go out to the Melton family. My cousin Christina was in pretty rough automobile accident on July 6, but she is recovering. We lost her boyfriend, Nick, that night and our thoughts and prayers are with his family as well.

I'm writing this from the green room in the House of Blues in Dallas. Dirk's here. He says, "Sup bro's." Probably. It's hard to understand him.

We're driving to New Mexico tomorrow. I'm sure we'll take a wrong turn at Albuquerque.


Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Morning Ghosts

Breezey gives the best and most utterly astounding wake up calls.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Post-Chinese Food Coma


Location:W 29th St,Austin,United States

Might as Well Be Walkin' on the Sun

The tour began like any other, rushing to get everything organized and cramming as many things in the van as we could fit. We had to leave behind a couple things: Ben's golf clubs, Dillon's 10 gallon cowboy hat, and Steve's sex kit that included scented condoms, rope, and a saddle. Sorry, Steve!
We drove over to our home away from home away from home, Peoria, IL, where we played with our good friends Centralia and Wind and Sail. We got some to see some old friends. And Sarah was the first person to talk to me about 9/11 without making fun of me! Kurt's sister made us so many pizzas that Steve had his worst break out since high school.

The next day we drove to St. Louis, where we hadn't been since 2007. We had a bad experience there. But with Josh's new bar, The Heavy Anchor, plus our friends from the ex-kings of underage parties, the once life-altering jam masters Eagle Scout. So we were looking for a nice change in the Show Me State. But we soon found out that Jeremiah was caught by Chris Hansen in Florida with one of the old groupies, and Ben Helman had the most intense and fun family reunion the world has ever known. So it was a little more fun that the down time on C-Span. But to each his own!

The day began with Kyle being attacked by a rabid dog with three working legs. When he approached the house to explain what happened when the child who lived there threw a firecracker at me. Good ol' St. Louis! Well, the show was tight. Reel tight. We played with an amazing band called Palace. So many good jams and tight harmonies. Reel tight harmonies. Just before we went on, I was accosted outside by Mikey, a homeless man who was an Elvis impersonator. He sang to me "Jailhouse Rock" and "Ain't No Sunshine" and "In the Middle of the Night." He also told me that he was Sarah Branson's 5th husband and that she just ruined him. He wanted some change to stay in a hostel and also to jam with us because he is an "amazing acoustic guitar player." Needless to say I gave him whatever I had but he took off before we could work on our setlist. We played so well that night that bros in the bar were smashing shot glasses in their jubilation.

I drove us the next day to Arkansas. It was a rough drive because Kyle was whooping Steve in Tony Hawk 4 and Steve was howling in desperation. We got to Alma, Alaska, Arkansas, where there were NO RESTROOMS ANYWHERE. I ran two miles down Main Street until I found a sufficient place to open the flood gates. We played a sweaty show in the Swap Shop and got everyone in the room dancing, including a very feisty young man in a wheelchair. After we played, a very nice metal band played, complete with choreography and calisthenics. At the end of the hottest night in recent memory, our good friends and southern boombastic-fantastic-slop rock boys, Half Raptor put on a wild show. They covered Blink 182 and Kyle lost his mind and kicked that kid straight out of his wheel chair. So he's dead.

Those dudes in Half Raptor really know how to treat a body. They put southern hospitality on a whole new level. We can't thank those guys enough for being so rad.

Now we're chilling in Austin, TX, about to watch Independence Day. I LOVE AMERICA!

Dillon Loves His Country

Happy 4th of July, ya'll!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Alma, AR

Home of Popeye and no public restrooms.


Wednesday, September 29, 2010


You probably can't tell from this picture, but this is during our set at XRA Fest 2010. We are behind all of these sweaty dudes. If you weren't there, you really missed a good time.

Monday, August 2, 2010




Day 4

Friday, July 30, our van stopped working. It was a little too late to get it looked at. We had it towed to Tifton, GA, where we stayed for the night. In the morning a mechanic said, "I can't figure out what's wrong with it. I can replace the fuel pump, but ain't no guarantee that will fix it." Onward HO!

So we pushed on. About 50 miles later, the van stopped running. We had to push it into the gas station at the next exit. Somehow God has cursed Georgia to be even hotter than Florida, and we sat outside waiting for Triple A. Aunt Karen's familiars came and picked us up and took us to a nice hotel. That was Saturday. The garage looked at our van on Sunday, but still couldn't figure out what was going on. It is now Monday. Four days of being trapped in southern Georgia.

We've been living off of delivered pizza and the flat, expired soda that the front desk gladly let us have for free. I don't know what we'll do if they don't fix it today. I have this really helpless feeling. Yesterday, I walked about half a mile down to the Best Buy and played the video games on display just to have something to do.

Being cooped up in a hotel room for three days are causing tensions to grow. Dillon seems extra on edge because his romantic advances towards everyone are increasing. Kyle got the shakes and can't leave the bed. Alex has unpacked and repacked everyone's suitcase, putting the clothes in alphabetical order. Kurt is the worst. He keeps throwing up on things around the room and then claiming it is his. Like a territorial thing. And me? I spend most of the time in the bathroom pooping and combing my hair at the same time. It's a nervous tick, I suppose. But if we have to stay here one more night, someone will surely die.

If you pray, pray for us to get home soon. If you cross your fingers, cross them that the van will get fixed. If you wish upon a star, you're an idiot because it is already day and we don't want to stay here another night.

If you are rich, come get us and take us home.

God it stinks in here. Kurt just threw up on my last pair of clean underwear.


Saturday, July 31, 2010

All Good Things. . .

. . .get towed away in disgrace.

And thus ends our summer tour. We are currently stranded in Robin Williams, Georgia. It could be a fuel pump. It could be demons. Who knows?! Luckily, my aunt Karen has some family down here who were friendly enough to help us land a super cheap hotel room, as well as find us a mechanic. It's been a crazy and fun couple of months. We are looking forward to coming home and resting for a while and joining back up with society.

I'd like to take this moment to thank everyone this summer who opened their homes to us, made food, or befriended us. We met so many incredible people! And we got to see a lot of cool things, too! Remember when I was in the Redwood Forest? And we got to go to Disney World. Cool, huh?!

In debt and broken-spirited, we prepare to return to our normal lives (or in Dillon's case, back to his parents' house). Thanks, Fart Van, for getting us this far. But the $1200 we poured into isn't really paying off in the long run. Here comes the long road home.

Also, don't trust mechanics in Tifton, GA. They are liars and criminals.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

Steve's Words of Wisdom

"If Barbecue was a girl, I'd consider it."

-Steve Marino

You've been too good to us. We'll miss you, buddy.


Destroyed that ice cream and brownie, probably because it had BBQ drizzled on top.



Dong69's purple balls. Actually it was my ball, but I think his were blue.


30" pizza? Yes pleaze.

Does it get any better???


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Disney world!!!

What a day!!