Wednesday, September 29, 2010


You probably can't tell from this picture, but this is during our set at XRA Fest 2010. We are behind all of these sweaty dudes. If you weren't there, you really missed a good time.

Monday, August 2, 2010




Day 4

Friday, July 30, our van stopped working. It was a little too late to get it looked at. We had it towed to Tifton, GA, where we stayed for the night. In the morning a mechanic said, "I can't figure out what's wrong with it. I can replace the fuel pump, but ain't no guarantee that will fix it." Onward HO!

So we pushed on. About 50 miles later, the van stopped running. We had to push it into the gas station at the next exit. Somehow God has cursed Georgia to be even hotter than Florida, and we sat outside waiting for Triple A. Aunt Karen's familiars came and picked us up and took us to a nice hotel. That was Saturday. The garage looked at our van on Sunday, but still couldn't figure out what was going on. It is now Monday. Four days of being trapped in southern Georgia.

We've been living off of delivered pizza and the flat, expired soda that the front desk gladly let us have for free. I don't know what we'll do if they don't fix it today. I have this really helpless feeling. Yesterday, I walked about half a mile down to the Best Buy and played the video games on display just to have something to do.

Being cooped up in a hotel room for three days are causing tensions to grow. Dillon seems extra on edge because his romantic advances towards everyone are increasing. Kyle got the shakes and can't leave the bed. Alex has unpacked and repacked everyone's suitcase, putting the clothes in alphabetical order. Kurt is the worst. He keeps throwing up on things around the room and then claiming it is his. Like a territorial thing. And me? I spend most of the time in the bathroom pooping and combing my hair at the same time. It's a nervous tick, I suppose. But if we have to stay here one more night, someone will surely die.

If you pray, pray for us to get home soon. If you cross your fingers, cross them that the van will get fixed. If you wish upon a star, you're an idiot because it is already day and we don't want to stay here another night.

If you are rich, come get us and take us home.

God it stinks in here. Kurt just threw up on my last pair of clean underwear.


Saturday, July 31, 2010

All Good Things. . .

. . .get towed away in disgrace.

And thus ends our summer tour. We are currently stranded in Robin Williams, Georgia. It could be a fuel pump. It could be demons. Who knows?! Luckily, my aunt Karen has some family down here who were friendly enough to help us land a super cheap hotel room, as well as find us a mechanic. It's been a crazy and fun couple of months. We are looking forward to coming home and resting for a while and joining back up with society.

I'd like to take this moment to thank everyone this summer who opened their homes to us, made food, or befriended us. We met so many incredible people! And we got to see a lot of cool things, too! Remember when I was in the Redwood Forest? And we got to go to Disney World. Cool, huh?!

In debt and broken-spirited, we prepare to return to our normal lives (or in Dillon's case, back to his parents' house). Thanks, Fart Van, for getting us this far. But the $1200 we poured into isn't really paying off in the long run. Here comes the long road home.

Also, don't trust mechanics in Tifton, GA. They are liars and criminals.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

Steve's Words of Wisdom

"If Barbecue was a girl, I'd consider it."

-Steve Marino

You've been too good to us. We'll miss you, buddy.


Destroyed that ice cream and brownie, probably because it had BBQ drizzled on top.



Dong69's purple balls. Actually it was my ball, but I think his were blue.


30" pizza? Yes pleaze.

Does it get any better???


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Go, Splash Mountain, Go!

This is Steve. You may have heard us mention him before. He is a phenomenal songwriter (and he's pretty good in bed, too!). You should definitely check out his music here. He plays under the name Moor Hound. Don't ask him why.
Now, not only do I love Steve's music, but he is a really great dude. I had the honor of riding in his truck, Maroono, on the trip from Sarasota to Orlando. We shared some chuckles, some tears, and he repeatedly stopped my advances.
He set up about three shows for us down here in Florida, is letting us stay at his house for three days, and went to Disney World with us. Talk about backbone!
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's go back to St. Augustine.

Hello. We're in St. Augustine. The oldest city in the United States. Of course yours truly wanted dearly to check out the sites in the area. But, as you might have gathered, yours truly is bad with organization and time management, and so we got the city just in time to find out that all of the other bands dropped off the show. That didn't stop us from doing our thing, though. In fact, we got so into the set, we wore costumes in the spirit of the history of the city. Here's a picture of Dillon as Ponc de Leon. The bartender felt bad for us and threw some money our way. We stayed to watch the local acoustic guy, and folks, I know I've said this a lot on this tour, but I mean it: I've never seen anything like it. Dude was drunk. I've seen that. But some of the patrons in the bar started a drum circle with the large wooden tables, while another screamed to the rhythm of the songs, "Play on Playa!" This went on for multiple songs. I would say that it got old, but you already knew that. It's St. Augustine!

St. Augustine was an interruption to our otherwise lovely stay in Gainesville, FL. Our good bud Evan from Umoja Orchestra let us run the house for a few days while he packed up to move to New York. Friday night brought us to a really great venue in Gainesville called The Atlantic, where we played with some really good bands, including Plastic Plastic. That was their first show and they pulled it off perfectly. No one threw anything at anyone else or growled or peed themselves. More than I can say for our first show. Anyway, the show was really great. Tons of people! We made it!

Saturday meant driving to Tampa but also seeing Steve. We played in an awesome used book store/record store called Mojo's in Tampa. I finally got to hear some new Moor Hound songs, which were fantastic. I also got to witness my new favorite summer band, The Grecian Urns, who put on a great unplugged show. The book store was so rad, they gave us stuff of free! Kurt snagged some piano books, I got a history of the Normans in Europe, and Kyle ended up with the entire Sweet Valley High series. That night we took over Kurt's uncle's house, which had a swimming pool, hot tub, king size bed, dungeon, and lots of pizza! We even made friends with the neighbors.

We then followed Steve to Sarasota for our show on Sunday. And let me tell you, the kids in Sarasota do not mess around. It was like playing for a brick wall. Faces straight, minimal applause. But then, we sold a few CDs and people said they really liked it. It reminded me of the good old days.

Yesterday we woke up around 7:30 and took of to Disney World, where dreams come true. The six of us ruled the park. We fast passed every dingus who tried to keep up with us. And in the Monster's Inc Laugh Room, Alex played Sully in the recreation of the plot of Monsters Inc. And! Kyle texted one of my (original) jokes to the number they put on the screen and they read it! What is it you ask?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Butter pecan.

Butter pecan who?

Butter pecan someone your own size!

I know it doesn't make any sense, but that's not the point. The point is that all I needed was boost to continue my pursuit of being a comedian and this was it. So, Benji, I hate to tell you, but I will be writing more and more jokes.

Disney World was more wonderful than I thought it could be. We are all pretty exhausted and our show fell through for tonight. So, we will be spending the day reflecting on our wonderful experience yesterday, how Mickey Mouse is actually kind of a dick, Minnie Mouse is a hussy, and there are few things as exhilarating or as terrifying as Space Mountain.
Also, we will try to get healthy. With only about eleven days left, a few of us have started to get the sickness. Here's hoping to hang in there to the end!

What Mickey don't know won't hurt him.


Monday, July 26, 2010

Sunday, July 25, 2010

3 peas in a pod



...A touring band needs


Saturday, July 24, 2010

Friday, July 23, 2010

Doodle pro



Show tonight in Gainesville.


Thursday, July 22, 2010

Fuck that burger



Has the urge... To look like a freaky monkey.


Last time

This is a letter from the last tour we took to Florida. At the same house we are staying at tonight.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

No gum!

Day ruled!!! Videos soon!!!


Gator farm!!

They almost didn't let dillon in because of that last sign, but he got in and he learned how to call the gators.